Where's my voice?

I just looked over a few of the other AP students' blogs.  I really only looked to see how many blogs the other students had, but I ended up staying for a couple minutes to read their blog entries.  I can't help but think that my writing is lacking something that theirs so perfectly demonstrates: voice.

 It doesn't bother me too much that there are much better writers in this class than myself - I've never been exceptionally proud of my writing ability - but am periodically reminded that my writing sounds very impersonal.  I didn't pass the 5th grade writing test because I lacked voice, and I am still struggling to incorporate it into my writing.  Even this blog entry is little more than an objective analysis of the situation I am observing.  I didn't intend for it to be so mechanical; I desperately want(ed) to show that I have a voice.  I've tried adding some exclamations or questions here or there, but that doesn't fully portray what I really feel. 

My voice is obliterated by the meticulous way I construct every sentence.  Every individual thought of my writing must be perfectly correct and demonstrate exactly what I think, if not what I feel.  I cringe at the thought that someone could take a red pen and circle all of my mistakes.  (Oops.  Maybe I'm not so humble.)  This exasperating habit prevents any of my feelings from emerging in my writing, and this is exacerbated by my intentional omission of profanity.  I swear more than I care to admit around those who do the same, but I am unable to do so here.  (Studies have actually shown that people who openly use profanity tend to be more trustworthy.  That's interesting.) 

So, where's my voice!?  My voice is exactly what I've tried so hard for so long to remove from my writing for the sake of eloquence and clarity.  Maybe Some stream-of-consciousness writing would help me find my voice.  Maybe I just have to get angry - I'm sure as hell angry now, and it's doing wonders.  Maybe My voice is hidden in passion - anger is the most easily available passion that I can think of.  Maybe I should stop being so damn worried about what other people might think of what I have to say and say what needs to be said.  I won't say what others need me to say, I'll say what I want to say.  If my painstaking sculpting of each word and phrase results in such hollow, forgettable passages, I should try to be more brazen and audacious.  Maybe If I just get over myself, my voice will ring through like a klaxon.

Semester-End Reflection

The first semester is going to be over in less than a week, and I can't say that I'll miss it when it has passed.  This has easily been the most unpleasant semester that I've had in high school.  I haven't had trouble with the type of work that I've been dealing with, but I've worked through the semester with such bizarre pacing that I couldn't wrap my head around it at times.  I've had to deal with online school - complete with all of it's difficulties - while simultaneously balancing a packed schedule in my regular classes.  There have been far too many times where I've had to speak with my teachers and explain why I was unable to complete their [assignment], and it's demoralizing to feel so powerless over my work.  My grades haven't dropped (and as long as I can do anything to prevent them from doing so, they never will), but I have put myself through hell to keep them where I want them.

While this semester has been horrendously difficult, it has not been without its successes.  I managed to turn a 30% grade in government into a 93% in just two weeks, and I have the final out of the way.  I completed my paperwork for the National Merit program and am now waiting to hear whether I have been granted Finalist status.  I have also, in the last week, been accepted to UNLV and their Honors college.  If I qualify as a National Merit Finalist, I will also be given a full-ride scholarship to UNLV, in addition to any other scholarships I receive.  If I only look at these accomplishments, the last four months have been life-changing, but these accomplishments were not given to me; I earned them with weeks upon weeks of late nights and grueling sessions of work.

I would not be willing to trade these accomplishments for the stress I endured if I had to continue on the same haphazard road.  To that end, I plan on re-organizing myself for the coming semester and completing all of my work in the most timely and responsible manner that I can.  If I can grow up a little and stop worrying about when I'll be able to relax waste time, maybe I'll actually feel accomplished when I reach my goals.

Government Reflection

I was probably more excited about taking my government class than any other class this year (except AP English, of course).  I've always had an interest in the intricacies of our government and have endeavored to learn more about the topic.  I'd hoped that I would learn exactly what I wanted to learn when I took government, but the class hasn't exactly cleared everything up.  Granted, this is only a reflection on the first semester of the class but I feel it is still valid.

The largest issue that I have with this class is that it is unable to explain the more intricate aspects of how our government functions.  I'd love to know exactly how legislature is written, revised and submitted, and where to look for current copies of these documents.  I'd love to research some of the current issues that our government faces.  I actually assumed that government would cover more current issues, but as a textbook-based class, it's slightly unrealistic to expect a complete, up-to-date education on government proceedings.  It is not unrealistic to expect the class to prepare students for observing and understanding what the government is actually doing on a day-to-day basis.  That is exactly what the class should accomplish; students should emerge from the class with the tools to decipher legislative jargon and interpret what politicians actually mean.  In reality, the class teaches how the government is structured and who performs what duties in the system.  In simpler terms, the class teaches the 'what' of government, while ignoring the 'how' and, most importantly, the 'why'.

I think this grievance displays one of the most fundamental issues with how public education is structured in our country: students are taught what they need to know, but they are never given the tools to intelligently analyze the topics they are shown.  'Why' is the first question that we learn as children, and we become obsessed with it.  Asking 'why' moved humanity out of the fertile crescent and into space.  The question of 'why' is completely ignored by public education.

Frankenstein: Closing Thoughts

I said in my first post about Frankenstein that the book wasn't what I had expected.  Where we might expect to find a mad scientist and his monstrous spawn, we find a decent, eccentric man who shuns his benevolent creation.  I am dumbfounded at the notion that this story inspired such weird adaptations in film and television.  While I don't understand how or why the story has changed so drastically, I fully understand and respect its capacity to receive so much attention - even more than a century later.

The presentation of the novel in multiple narrative frames works very well for Frankenstein, and it allows for a myriad of different themes to emerge.  I might even argue that each frame presents a completely self-contained universe.  I don't mean to argue that the events in each frame literally exist separately from the events in the others, since they are all obviously interconnected, but it is possible to view each frame as though it existed on it's own.  Each frame is presented from a different character's point of view, and these characters all have completely unique personalities, histories, and goals.  Any event in any character's story can be analyzed solely from their own perspective, contrasted against the events in another character's story, viewed through any other character's perspective, ad infinitum.  The structure of the novel allows for more complex analysis than even some of the greatest pieces of literature in the cannon.

While Robert Walton is somewhat unimportant from a literary standpoint, the relationship between Victor and his creation is worthy of hundreds of pages of study.  Each character's personality and motivations could be extensively analyzed, as well as how they change as they develop.  Infinitely more could be written on exactly how these characters affect each other (both directly and indirectly).  The interactions of these personalities creates a profound, moving history that could not be fully presented in Frankenstein - or in any other single piece, for that matter.

There are so many more points worthy of discussion in Frankenstein, but I could write for hours about everything I loved in this book and still find more to cover.  Suffice it to say, Frankenstein was a remarkably intricate piece of literature and I loved every word of it.  I hope others can appreciate how grand this novel truly is.

Frankenstein: Structure

Frankenstein was nothing like what I expected it to be, both in content and in structure.  I have already discussed how it broke from and exceeded my expectations, but I will now go more in-depth as to why I enjoyed the story's structure so much.  I will save my thoughts on the content of the novel for another time.

Frankenstein begins with a series of letters between Robert Walton and his sister, and this structure establishes the novel as an epistolary.  I overheard a few conversations in class about this type of writing, and it seems that many people have issues with it.  I understand that my opinion doesn't necessarily match those of others, but I honestly can't imagine why someone might have a real issue with this structure.  Some criticized the letters in the beginning of the book for their apparent lack of relevance, and some criticized them for being dull.  Any book might be criticized for beginning slowly, so this complaint isn't important.  I can give some credit to those that think the beginning is irrelevant, as that is how it appears until the closing chapters.  However, the first three or so letters in the novel give exposition relevant to the entire novel, as they establish its setting - or at least, the first narrative frame's setting.

The narrative frames also appeared to cause some trouble.  I don't think this is quite as bizarre as people make it seem; there are many instances in literature where previous events are extensively recounted and explained.  Any time a novel includes a flashback, it does exactly what Frankenstein does.  Frankenstein is memorable for this because its flashbacks are extended, multi-chapter, expository segments.  Despite their length, these flashbacks aren't quite so different from those in any other novel.  Some argue that the story-within-a-story format is a difficult thing to understand, but Frankenstein makes it very clear who is talking and what has transpired thus far at any point in the story.

I understand that Frankenstein has a slightly odd format, but it is not extremely different from things that we've read before.  It's certainly not the strangest thing that I've read.  While some people have difficulty with its format, Frankenstein is strengthened considerably by its layered construction.

Dawkin's "The Blind Watchmaker"

Recently I read The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins and did a book report on it for AP Biology.  I will include an excerpt from my report for summary and importance of the novel below.  I wanted to share my thoughts on the book at a more personal level, however. 

I discussed in my final paragraph that the book is likely to produce no small amount of anxiety in the extremely religious.  This is not due simply to the way that Dawkins presents the subject matter; it has to do with the subject matter itself.  Many claim that the theory of evolution is not necessarily an adversary of religion, and that both can be incorporated into one's worldview, but I don't think I agree with this.  The implications of the theory are fundamentally incompatible with all but the most deistic ideologies.  Any notion of an active, personally attentive god simply doesn't make sense in light of the theory.  I don't see this a problem for me, but it is an enormous problem when its effects in this country are considered.  More than 40% of the American population refuses to acknowledge evolution as the Biological fact that it is.  The establishment of evolution as a theory that can be accepted in addition to religious ideology may lower the number of people who don't accept it, but I don't feel that it is accurate to say this.  Scientific inquiry is inherently prohibited by nearly every major religion; what place is there, then, for evolution?

Richard Dawkins’ The Blind Watchmaker is a piece of persuasive non-fiction written to explain “why the evidence of evolution reveals a universe without design.”  Throughout the book, Dawkins’ explores the specific mechanisms of evolution by natural selection and argues for the theory’s ability to explain the complexity of life on Earth. 

            The book begins with a clarification of exactly what is meant by the word ‘complex’ and elaborates on why a grand scientific theory is necessary to describe life as we know it.  The following section highlights specifically how extremely well-designed animals appear in many respects, but warns that although animals appear to be intentionally designed, their complexity can be explained by small, cumulative changes.  Chapters three and four are devoted to illustrating how these cumulative changes arise theoretically and in practice, respectively.  Before further examining these changes, Dawkins emphasizes how and why the genotype, rather than the phenotype, drives evolutionary change.  Chapter six accounts for evolution’s intrinsic inability to explain the origins of life, but utilizes evolutionary principles to postulate how life might have begun.  This chapter also analyses how much luck is allowed to be assumed in the origins of life.  Constructive evolution is then addressed, both in evolutionary ‘arms-races’ and in positively-reinforcing sexual selection.  The penultimate chapters explain the differences between gradual and punctuated evolutionary change and the difficulties in objectively classifying animals.  The final chapter debunked various alternative explanations for the complexity of life including the argument of guided evolution by a creator.  The book presents the theory of evolution logically; it thoroughly addresses how evolution is able to generate complex organisms and why it is the only process capable of doing so.

            The Blind Watchmaker provides an excellent analysis of evolutionary theory and presents the theory as it is; a widely accepted fact of science.  The book does not ignore the implications that this raises for religious ideology, as many individuals – especially in America – disregard evolution.  It goes out of its way to elucidate why the theory is so widely supported and why it doesn’t require any guiding.  In fact, the book reveals evolution to be completely unguided, working with no goal in mind.  Ultimately, The Blind Watchmaker’s focus on evolution will impact only some religious individuals, but its focus on evidentiary proof and reason will expand public understanding of science immensely.

What's up with the Christmas music?

Since I can remember, I've been hearing my mom complain about having to listen to so much Christmas music in December.  As far as I know, there are at least two radio stations that have switched to 'round-the-clock Christmas tunes, and those that I know of made the switch the Thanksgiving weekend.  It doesn't need to be pointed out how outrageously early this is, but since I just did, let me expand that thought.

These two stations began playing Christmas music twenty four hours per day on Thanksgiving day.  From Thanksgiving to Christmas, these stations will have played Christmas music for twenty seven days straight, amounting to a grand total of 648 hours, or 38880 minutes, of continuous Christmas music on each channel (this also means that some 7% of all songs on these stations are Christmas songs).  I may be wrong, but I don't think that there is a single person who listens to enough Christmas music that these stations need to play this music so gratuitously.  I can't even think of someone who wants to start listing to Christmas music before Christmas week.  Even if there were some fanatic of these jingles who made this viable, it's still unnecessary.

It's worth pointing out to these stations that not everyone celebrates Christmas.  While some people incorporate Christmas tradition into their holiday season without the Christian overtones (I won't mention why these aren't necessary at all), many non-Christians don't have anything to do with the holiday.  The fact that radio stations begin playing one holiday's songs 24/7 a month in advance only alienates large portions of listeners - including listeners like my mom, who celebrates Christmas and has sworn these stations off entirely in protest.

While this might not be viewed as a serious issue, it represents a much larger issue across the entirety of American culture.  Many public services are so wiling to cater to a single group of individuals that they ignore all others, and this cannot be allowed to continue.

EDIT:  Since this post, I have been informed that certain stations have actually begun playing Christmas music following Halloween.  This consideration almost doubles the amount of time that the music is played.  The original numbers are bad enough, so I don't need to dwell on this development.

Hamlet's Motivation

The entirety of Shakespeare’s Hamlet focuses on Hamlet’s endeavors to find hope to continue living and avenge his father’s death.  This theme is established very quickly, and both his depression and his appointment for revenge are present by the end of the first act.  While he has motive and opportunity to act, he finds himself constantly unable to act.  He dwells on his own inactivity throughout the story, constantly comparing himself and his actions to those of others with far less to act for.  In act four, he is presented with the ultimate example of this, and he resolves himself to action.

Scene four of act four shows Hamlet and a Captain of the Norwegian army discussing the army’s battle plans.  Hamlet discovers that the Norwegian army, lead by Fortinbras, the Prince of Norway, plans to attack and take a small hill held by the Polish. Fortinbras plays a significant role as the head of the army, as his ultimate goal is to seek revenge for the death of his own father.  Hamlet recognizes the similarity between himself and Fortinbras, as well as the marked difference in their efforts to exact revenge.  Fortinbras is willing to send an army to get what he wants, but Hamlet is not even able to directly avenge his father by killing his uncle.  

Hamlet also compares himself to the Norwegian army.  The army has been sent to take an extremely insignificant piece of land and will lose “twenty thousand men” in the process.  This idea of futile passion has been presented before, notably in the players’ actions, but Hamlet understands that it is much more serious here.  He is ashamed that he cannot act for himself and his father when thousands of men are willing to fight die for a purpose that means nothing to them.

Hamlet closes the scene by saying, “O, from this time forth, / my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth.”  This scene’s closing represents the culmination of all of the events that Hamlet has seen thus far in the play.  He has argued with himself over whether or not he should act at all and struggled to find motivation to carry out his purpose.  As act four comes to a close, Hamlet is now fully prepared to avenge his father.

Frankenstein: Challenging My Expectations

I don't think that there is a single horror icon more widely recognized or more often re-imagined than Frankenstein's monster.  He's presented many ways in popular culture, but he is most often portrayed as a sickly creature barely held together by the efforts of Doctor Frankenstein.  The creature is even shown with other obvious imperfections, such as bolts sticking out of skin, or deep seams in his skin where patches weave over and around one another to cover his muscle.  Needless to say, the expectation of being presented with a monster - though preemptively set aside - was not realized.  The creature of Mary Shelly's Frankenstein is far different from what most would imagine.

The irony doesn't escape me that Frankenstein's own expectations went unrealized when he created the creature.  While the audience might expect the creature to be violent, however, Frankenstein expects to be awestruck by the creature's beauty.  The audience instead finds a creature more good-natured than most of the people confronting him.  Frankenstein, however, becomes appalled by the very existence of what he has created, however amiable the creature attempts to be to him.  The audience is in a position where they must ask Frankenstein why he does what he does, and the very nature of the creature forces the audience to wonder why he is so completely ostracized from society.

Frankenstein created the creature because he wanted to prove that he could create life, and he endeavored for years to create something beautiful.  Only when he finished it did he fully weigh the consequences of his decision.  Rather than observing beauty in the creature, Frankenstein observed only his own foolishness and felt that the creature held as much beauty as one would expect from dead flesh.

As the audience, we are more likely to view the creature with some form of sympathy and understanding than Frankenstein.  This is primarily due to our previous expectations; we expected a monster, and we were shown a misunderstood creature trying to find his purpose.  Frankenstein expected to create beauty, but he ultimately viewed his creation as disgusting and worthless, especially considering some of the creature's actions.  These differing points show that all of our experiences are ultimately shaped by what we expected from them.

Milton's Paradise

Milton's Paradise Lost is a grand piece of work.  In fact, the epic, along with the mythology surrounding it, is quite likely one of my favorite subjects in literature.  This is partly due to the fact that I, unlike most, view the entire mythology - that is, religious and specifically christian texts - to be fictitious.  The stories of Dante and the fall of Satan are fantastic and grandiose, as they are deeply ingrained into our primarily christian culture.  These pieces are phenomenal, and even for those who do not believe in christian ideology, their immense impact is not significantly diminished.

My enjoyment of these stories might shock some people, who know my thoughts on religion, but they possess a sense of awe and spectacle that simply isn't present in most of the literature that I've read.  The reason for this is obvious; the stories were written from the perspective of someone who literally believed the subject matter and intended to perpetuate it.  One would hardly expect a story explaining the origin of the universe to be boring.  Part of my enjoyment also comes from the analysis of these stories, and previous performance of such analysis (among other things) is why I no longer subscribe to christian faith.  The flaws present in God's character are great subjects for philosophic discussion, and they should be discussed thoroughly.

Honestly, though, I don't understand why people believe in these things.  I actually believed in them myself, for a time, though I don't know how much I actually believed.  When I was younger, I never took the time to think about what it was that I believed in.  Through the years, I actually started wondering what I thought about religion, and  I stopped believing in god and religion altogether.  I then began viewing all religious stories such as these through a different lens, as it were.  I no longer bothered to believe in them, but this made be better at analyzing them.  It's much easier to see the flaws in a piece of work when one doesn't need to incorporate it into his or her ideology.

I have digressed, but my point remains obvious; Paradise Lost and stories like it are tremendously important for their literary, rather than their religious, content.  Though I do not believe in them or even fully understand why others do, I fully recognize their importance.

Scholarship Essay

My plans for further education were not always as ambitious as they are now. In fact, there were times when I didn't plan to attend a college at all. Since I made the decision that I wanted to earn a bachelor's, masters, and doctorate degree in physics, my work in high school has changed accordingly. I am now very well prepared to excel at university.

Most obviously, my core classes have reflected my intent to pursue a degree in science. I have several credits more than I need in both science and math and I earned some of these credits in supplemental courses. I have taken several AP courses in these areas, including AP Calculus, Physics and Biology. Considering all of these  challenges, my course work has prepared me very well for further education.

 My preparation for college extends beyond class choice, however. I am a National Merit semifinalist as a result of my performance on the PSAT. At certain universities, I might be eligible for scholarships of hundreds of thousands of dollars. I will also be eligible for other scholarships, such as the millennium scholarship. Any scholarships that I receive in addition to merit based scholarships will only help me to pay for more of my education. If I can earn enough, I might be able to pay for the first four to six years of college without incurring any debt. This would help me enormously when I graduate and begin looking for a research position in physics.

All scholarships that I receive will be extremely helpful. I'm sure that most could say the same, but I'm demonstrably capable of achieving the goals that I set for myself. If I am able to study physics in college, I guarantee that I will secure a research position for myself.

The Problem With Election

The electoral college is an extremely antiquated process in this country.  It was created to ease the election process during the founding of this country.  When votes needed to be physically carried and counted and the result delivered to the capitol, the electoral college helped speed the process along.  In this digital age, however, it no longer provides any benefit.  The placement of votes in the hands of representatives does not equally distribute voting power equally among citizens in the best scenario, but in the United States, voting power is wildly disproportionate.  In fact, it is possible to win an election in the electoral college with only 22% of the popular votes by targeting the states where votes mean the most and ignoring the states where votes mean the least.  This is extremely unlikely, but it really shouldn't even be possible.  Eliminating the electoral college is the first step in improving the election process in the United States.

The electoral college is not the only system that must be changed, however.  Out democracy elects candidates with a 'first past the post' (FPTP) or 'winner takes all' (WTA) system.  Essentially, the system works by giving one vote to every citizen (in theory) and allowing them to distribute this vote as they wish.  There are a myriad of problems with this system, but the most obvious flaw is that it will ultimately result in a two-party system with little to no third party interaction.  It also establishes a system where the majority of the population voted against the winning candidate.  Even in the best case scenario, where there are numerous candidates from numerous parties campaigning, the majority of the population didn't vote for the winner, compared to those that did (for example, if 7 candidates campaign, a winner might only have 16% of the popular vote).

It's clear that the system needs a drastic change.  If, rather than the FPTP, an 'alternative vote' or 'mixed-member representation' system was used, the election system would be much more fair and allow for much more progress in the government.  Unfortunately, though, such a drastic change would be unlikely to move through the government.  Our government doesn't exactly allow for large changes.

To Be

Of all of Shakespeare’s works, no piece of text is more well known than the soliloquy of Hamlet in act three, scene one. In this monologue, Shakespeare truly put the feeling of depression into words. His profound statements on death have been borrowed time and time again. Hamlet’s thoughts are not only useful when discussing depression, however. This soliloquy represents a more general idea; making a decision is much more difficult when its consequences are not understood.

The central idea of this soliloquy is put forward in the first phrase: “to be, or not to be, that is the question.” Hamlet is attempting to decide whether or not he should commit suicide, and he argues the point just as any might be argued. He expresses his desire to die and immediately counters himself with possible consequences of suicide, and he continues adding sound arguments to both sides.

His treatment of this topic is what allows such broad interpretation of his thoughts. There are several reasons why he feels compelled to commit suicide and several reasons that he feels that he shouldn’t. In the end, he does not have enough reason to act, so he defaults to inaction. This is made obvious when he says, “…enterprises of great pitch and moment / with this regard their currents turn awry / and lose the name of action.” It is very important to understand that he is not actively choosing to remain alive but simply doesn’t have enough reason to act. This theme is focused in his character throughout the play and it is presented through his inability to murder Claudius.

Some might empathize with what Hamlet says about death, but many more could empathize with his situation when applied in a broader context. Hamlet doesn’t have enough reason to act, so he does nothing. He is faced with a choice that he doesn’t fully understand. His situation represents the idea that a choice that is not understood cannot be made.

Social Stupidity

Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are becoming more and more popular all the time, and many people spend several hours each week scrolling through their news feeds.  I am no exception to that statement.  These sites have their benefits, no doubt.  They allow easy communication  and transfer of information across huge distances and they accomplish this with unparalleled speed.  Unfortunately, these sites have their drawbacks as well, and some are even results of their 'benefits'.

The internet is a remarkably large source of information.  Indeed, it is the largest single source of information that humanity has ever known.  It should be appalling, then, how few people take advantage of the information directly at their fingertips.  It is very common for people to flock to sites like Facebook, wasting huge amounts of time there, while largely ignoring the abundance of educational material sprinkled around the internet.  The vast majority of these people have very little idea of how much they could actually accomplish in the time that they waste on social networking sites.  As a result, most of these people become naive, lazy, and mindless sheep, happy to scroll down a page and believe whatever they read.  Many hoaxes were spread through email in the early internet, but these same hoaxes are now spread like viruses through social networking sites.  The vast majority of these hoaxes can be debunked simply by googling them, as many are already documented (and they all lack supporting evidence).  I've never seen a user do even this miniscule amount of research, and this is unacceptable.  Hoaxes are allowed to spread uncontrollably by those who believe what they read by default and those that are too lazy to do otherwise.

I am truly frightened by how naive the typical social network user is and the speed at which information is transferred through such sites.  I have a specific relative that serves as a perfect example of the consequences of this dangerous combination.  She spends hours on Facebook throughout each day, posting and sharing dozens of statuses and comments.  I have no doubt that she visits several other websites as well, all of them representing her views on politics, health, religion, etc.  Unfortunately, she has no idea whether the information that she sees is correct or not because she does no research.  Even worse, she doesn't care whether the information is accurate as long as it supports her beliefs.  Recently, she shared a picture with the following assertion: "Every single person who has cancer has a pH is that too acidic.  Dr. Otto Warburg won the Nobel Prize in 1931 for proving that cancer can't survive in an alkaline, oxygen rich environment but thrives in an acidic, low oxygen environment." [sic] I won't state that this is inaccurate based on the glaring flaw in structure.  I will, however, state that it is inaccurate based on everything else.

• The statement that a person has a pH of any kind simply doesn't make sense.  The liver and pancreas are slightly basic while the acids in the stomach are highly acidic.  Cancer thrives in all of these areas.
• There is no citation to support the statement that "Every single person who has cancer has a pH is that too acidic."
• There is no citation to support the assertion that cancer thrives in acidic environments and cannot survive in alkaline ones.
• The statement that Otto Warburg proved that "cancer can't survive in an alkaline, oxygen rich environment but thrives in an acidic, low oxygen environment" is erroneous.  Otto Warburg won the Nobel Prize for his research on respiratory enzymes, and his research proves only that cancerous cells can grow and develop without oxygen. ("Otto Warburg - Biographical")

It's maddening that no one does any amount of research on things like this, considering how easy it is to deconstruct statements that aren't supported.  This is a constant problem on social networks, but for the most part, it isn't a very serious issue.  It becomes a very serious issue when people take the same approach outside of these sites.  When people are motivated more by emotion than by facts and evidence, people like Andrew Wakefield become renowned as whistle-blowers.  Too many people simply don't care enough to search for the truth.

"Otto Warburg - Biographical". Nobelprize.org. Nobel Media AB 2013. Web. 31 Oct 2013. <http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/1931/warburg-bio.html> 

The Wild

Break is over, and the crunch resumes.  Unfortunately, in the nine days that we had off, I have had no reprieve.  I have already written about my over-stress, at least to some extent, so it isn't much use to restate that point here.  No, there is a new point to be made.

As I sweat over the mounds of unfinished and overdue work on my to-do list, I think back to a classwork schedule that I was given in AP English at the beginning of the semester.  If I remember correctly, Jon Krakauer's Into The Wild was marked to be read at some point this year.  Considering my present circumstances, I wish that the book was a higher priority.  From what I know of Christopher McCandless' travels, I can relate to him quite a bit.

McCandless was a very intelligent man.  He graduated from high school and university with high grades, at least enough to be noteworthy in light of his later actions.  He had a promising academic future, but he left it behind, along with $25,000 in college funds, his family, and his residence.  Inspired by author's such as Henry David Thoreau and Jack London, McCandless began traveling.  He kept minimal supplies, even abandoning his car to hitchhike.

I can only speculate, but I assume that McCandless abandoned what he had because he was feeling exactly what I'm feeling: doubt.  Tiredness.  Occasionally, even total apathy.  I can't help but feel that the $25,000 to be put toward college is worth less than $250 for gas and freedom.  I can't help but think that I'll enjoy a paycheck more than a scholarship.  I find myself wondering what, in the ten years that I've planned for future education, I could do in the wild.  I wonder what I would feel on my own.  More than anything, I wonder how it would feel to live without the constant fear that I could destroy years of my future with a single mistake.

Now, I wait for an answer to my questions.  I can't make a decision about something so monumental.  I have tens of thousands - maybe even hundreds of thousands - of dollars at stake.  I have the option to pursue a Doctoral degree.  Could I honestly throw that away because my motivation has died?  Will a decision make a difference?  If I can't get my shit together soon, it might not matter.  Those mistakes are looming overhead and I sit still with my mind paralyzed by the weight of that fear and guilt.  None of my teachers will except excuses for much longer, and neither will I.  It's crunch time, and I'm being crunched.

It's very common to fantasize about what one might do should they win the lottery.  I always that that I'd like to live in luxury, but I have recently fantasized something different.  If I had enough money to do whatever I wanted, I'd buy a small, efficient car.  I'd buy a modest house somewhere, just large enough to fit a library, where I could read until natural light failed and sleep prevailed.  I would get a job at a coffee house somewhere, where I could smile at the people I meet and wonder about their lives.  I would spend my days smiling, reading, and learning without the harsh stress of deadlines and busywork.  If I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted, I could make myself happy.

I envy Christopher McCandless' freedom, and his bravery to make the decision that he felt was right.  I wouldn't want my journey to end in such an untimely death, but the destination matters less than the journey.  I almost wonder if the journey, however short, is worth that cost: what use is a life lived unhappily?

Over Break

Some lucky individuals have told me how excited they are for the break. I'm certainly GLAD for a break, but it's a shame that I will not be able to relax during it. I had big plans for the break, but due to school-related issues recently, my plans have had to change.

Originally, I had intended to travel through California with my mom to visit colleges. Whether or not I had my driver's licence, I would be able to practice driving a lot during this trip, and on the open road. Many of the colleges in which I am interested are in California, and the trip would give me the opportunity to observe their campuses and make a better decision about college, when the time comes.

Now, though, my trip had been postponed. Due to the large amount of work during the first quarter of my senior year, I have fallen somewhat behind in all of my classes, though this is certainly evident from my levels of stress. I am especially far behind in government, which, due to the flexible nature of the class, always gets pushed back behind my work at AACT.

As most of my teachers are giving me little or no homework, I will have a lot of time to work over the break. The majority of my time will be devoted to finishing my government work. I can easily plow through the reading and written quizzes, and I will save the portfolios until I'm done with that. Once all of my work with solid deadlines is completed, I will work on my capstone and discuss the timeframe for my work with Nathanael. Throughout the break, I will be applying to colleges. I'm very hopeful that this will relieve my stress and allow me a little more time to relax throughout the year.

In this year, my last year of high school, I am finally given a huge amount of recognition for my work,  and I think it's about time for my work to mean something.

Academics

I had been told since sophomore year that junior year would be the most difficult year to manage, at least in terms of workload.  I don't know how this was decided, but I only wish it was true for me.  Starting this year has been rougher than any before, and not just in one area. 

Compared to my junior year, I now have easily twice the work and thrice the stress.  Junior year, I had one AP class and a math class that I had already passed.  This year, I have three AP classes and Honors Spanish to balance.  This alone is quite a handful, but this would be easily manageable if I didn't have to work on Government online as well, which is vastly different from online classes that I have taken in the past.  Apart from actual school work, I must also work through my Capstone project, study for the SAT Subject Tests, and finalize my paperwork and essay to become a National Merit Finalist.  As a result of this, I am wildly behind on my online class and scrambling to keep up with the rest.

This is certainly not aided by recent events in my personal life.  Since my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer in my seventh year, we have been forced to deal with death constantly.  Grandpa didn't last more than three months.  My grandma was found to have cancer as well, and my great grandma also passed away that year.  In my sophomore year, my other grandma was diagnosed, and wasn't expected to last more than a half year or so.  She made it this far, but given that her cancer has returned worse and several other members of my family have passed away since then, no one expects her to last long.  Certainly not until my graduation.

It's inherently unprofessional to reveal aspects of my personal life to others, but I am unable to manage all of my work without some help.  I suppose it's fair to assume that I am capable, considering what I have achieved, but I don't think anyone would assume that I'd never need any assistance.  Everyone has their own issues.

Shakespeare: That time of year

"That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all the rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long."

-William Shakespeare


This sonnet - Shakespeare's 73rd of 154, by some count - is structured very differently from the sonnets of his that we have seen thus far.  Like his other sonnets, it includes the ababcdcdefefgg rhyme scheme, but it lacks a turn or answer at line 9, which many of his other sonnets include.  Rather than present a question in the first 8 lines which is then answered in the following 4 or 6, 'That time of year' expresses a predicament in the first 12 lines and uses the couplet to explain why the situation is significant.

The first quatrain introduces the speaker, who we can see is a dying man or woman speaking to their loved one, who we can assume is the speakers' spouse.  For ease of explanation, lack of evidence to the contrary, and the fact that Shakespeare is male, I'm going to assume that the speaker is male and he is speaking to his wife.  He begins by telling his wife that she has witnessed him wither away over some time, and compares it to the closing of a year, when the leaves fall from the trees.  This is a very effective way to present the situation, as it gives a direct comparison in time with the ending of a year, and it gives imagery of a bare tree to compare to the speaker.

The following quatrain also gives a comparison involving time, though this time to the end of a day.  It includes imagery in the fading of the sun into blackness.  It's also worth mentioning that this quatrain specifically mentions Death.  This section of the poem might be paraphrased as, "You see the light fade out of me and death takes my life.

The final quatrain compares the speaker to a dying fire, and is arguably the most dense. It states that the fire burns on the ashes of its youth and analogizes the speaker's deathbed to those ashes.  I am conflicted about what the following line (Consumed with that which it was nourished by) means.  I might assume that this alludes to the speaker's increased dependence on forms of nourishment - both real and more abstract - to stay alive.  Those forms of nourishment are consuming the speaker.

The couplet closes the poem by stating that the decreased time that the subject might love the speaker makes her love more intense.  This is a very common theme; everything is made more valuable when it is finite.  Love is no exception, and Shakespeare states this eloquently.

I am extremely fond of this sonnet.  It breaks from usual sonnet structure, as it presents a problem that doesn't necessarily have a solution.  This is reflected in large degree in the theme.  The death of a loved one is a very serious problem, and it certainly doesn't have a 'solution' in the regular sense of the word.  Shakespeare uses this odd structure to his advantage and has produced something very unique as a result, even among all of his fantastic works.

Draft: Scholarship Essay

Draft 1

When I was in elementary school, I was not a leader.  I was not an exemplary student, and I certainly wasn’t a Merit Scholar.  I was just another bright young child who resented his intelligence because it meant he’d have to do more work.  My parents and teachers lamented having such an intelligent student that hated school and work so much; in the third grade, I joined the Gifted and Talented Program and left almost immediately because it was simply additional (and extremely boring) work.  As I progressed in school, I became more resigned to do work simply because it needed to be done.  My only goal was an ‘A’; I paid no attention to anything else because it hadn’t occurred to me.    That student didn’t understand what it meant to have intelligence.  He didn’t understand how lucky he was.  That student would not become who I am today.

Suddenly, in 8th grade, something happened to change my entire perspective on academics.  8 Individuals strode into Mendive Middle School in mid-October and gave the students the opportunity to make a choice.  They came from the Academy of Arts, Careers, and Technology, and they invited us to apply ourselves and make something of our education.  This opportunity meant very little to most of the students in that room, I’m sure, but it ignited something in me that I hadn’t thought I’d ever find.  The opportunity brought me hope… hope that I might just use my intelligence.  My goal, now, was to succeed, rather than to survive.

After I decided that I was going to AACT, I had a laundry list of required materials necessary to apply.  I couldn’t have completed such an application without a goal.  I couldn’t have applied, written essays, requested recommendations, or impressed my interviewers if I didn’t care.  I was a different person than I had been before.  I had been transformed by the knowledge of how far I could take myself, and with some measure of luck, I met my goal.

The next four years would not be spent in the company of those merely striving to survive, but with students who, like myself, were ready to apply themselves harder than they ever had before. We wanted to succeed.  AACT provided the perfect environment for me, and it gave me the opportunity to help others to see what I had just discovered.  During my junior year, I co-founded the AACT Bridge Project, an outreach program designed with the intent of motivating 6th graders to apply themselves to their education and push themselves as far as they can.  I knew that there would always be students who, like me, were capable of so much more than they were ever told that they could achieve.  I knew that they needed to be shown what opportunities they had, and what they could accomplish.  If I could dig one Merit Scholar out of apathy, if I could help even one student to graduate, I knew I had to try.  I have talked with so many students since I started working at AACT, and at least one student has pushed himself to apply and join the school.  Even one success is worthwhile among so many.

Now, in the last year of my high school career, I understand what it means to be motivated.  I became a National Merit Semi-finalist because I discovered what it meant to want to succeed.  I learned the importance of education and the value of knowledge, and I have tried to help others understand.  If I can succeed in my endeavors and become a Finalist, I can prove to myself and all those whom I want to help that it is possible to succeed.  My success would be a testament to determination.

The Abstract

As we progress further and further into the poetry unit, I can't help but become somewhat annoyed by this textbook and the bizarre questions it contrives. The poems that we have been reading this far have been quite enjoyable in all aspects save the questions they seemingly answer. None of the poems have been overly simple, either; quality was not sacrificed for accessibility.

Before I return to the book, though, I must take a brief digression. I notice that the more thoroughly I am able to judge a judge a poem depends on how much of it I am able to analyze. I love to analyze poetry, but I am also a bit sad about how little some poems have going on in them. Take, for example, my favorite poem, an untitled piece by Mark Z. Danielewski:

"Little solace comes
To those who grieve
When thoughts keep drifting
As was keep shifting
And this great blue worlds of ours
Seems a house of leaves

Moments before the wind. "

It may be difficult for someone to argue that this poem is especially deep (other than I'm meaning), and one wouldn't be out of line in arguing that the poem is too simple. It IS simple, and it's meaning is obvious. I wish it had more layering and more to analyze, but it's still my favorite poem, and it's far more preferable to the opposite end of the spectrum.

So why does the textbook bother me? Because of the way that it treats poems at the other end. Poems that are full of fluff and have very little going on. Poems like 'You Are in Bear Country', where any meaning associated with the poem is based on totally abstract,  invalid evidence from the text. The textbook treats this pointless abstraction like masterpiece, and it feels so pretentious in doing so. The textbook asks questions so contrived that I cannot imagine how they were imagined. It makes the experience of poetic analysis much more of a chore than it should be.

Old Friends

I trudge up my stairs, and as they bend,
They force me to glance across the photos
Dangling on the walls like so many old friends
Whom I no longer recognize. Their smiles
Remind me of better times that I never knew.

And if you asked me,
I couldn't tell you when their smiles died,
But it must have been when the cameras
Weren't watching.

The Value of Poetry

"I wish our clever young poets would remember my homely definitions of prose and poetry: that is, prose = words in their best order; poetry = the best words in the best order."

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

For one of our first writing assignments of the year, we were required to list some of our strengths in writing.  Luckily for me, we also had to list some of our weaknesses.  I've always been extremely critical of my own work.  Whether it's been a passionate effort, taking weeks to complete, or an essay that I completed in record time and probably shouldn't even have bothered attempting.  I stated that my greatest weakness was my grasp of vocabulary when it comes to writing.  I've always had a fairly advanced vocabulary, but I'm constantly frustrated by my inability to draw upon it in my writing.  I too often fall back on 'however's' and 'although's' when my mind fails to locate a far more preferable term.  My largest goal for the year was to begin to fix this issue... venturing into new territory of diction could vastly improve my written work.

I never could have guessed how much the study of poetry could assist me in this.  Coleridge had a very important point, and I agreed with him before I even knew what he thought on the subject.  Poetry is defined by its profound depth, and this depth is forged with words.  In prose, substitution of a single word would have little effect, save on the flow of the sentence in which it is placed.  In poetry, however, each and every word is crucial to the poem as a whole.  This is true even when there is no meter or rhyme to worry about.  Each word is a cement holding the poem together.  

Take into consideration, for example, 'Suicide Note', by Langston Hughes:

The calm,

Cool face of the river

Asked me for a kiss.

In such a short poem, it is plainly obvious how important each word is to the meaning of the whole.  Replace 'Cool' with 'Cold', and the poem has become much more forwardly depressing than it should be. 'Cold' has just the same number of letters as 'Cool', and it only differs from the latter in one letter, subtracting an 'o' for a 'd'.  Even with this small change, the letter has changed the meaning of the entire poem.  

Poetry is a living, breathing thing, and every poem is constructed based on the same rules of language.  A poem can be broken down to individual letters, and like the individual genes and nucleotide pairs of a human, a single letters difference can mean life or death.  No level of complexity is too small to matter.

Our in-depth analysis of poetry is based on more than just word choice, but looking at this area has already had a marked effect on my ability to analyze my own writing.  My poetry hasn't suffered from it either, but I hesitate to concentrate too heavily on that area of writing at this point.  There will be times for that in the future, but I have miles to go before I sleep.

Dawkins and Darwin

During the summer of 2011, I began to develop a passionate interest in science.  My love for the subject was wholly consuming, for a time.  I spent the majority of the summer watching lectures on Physics and Biology on Youtube, purchasing non-fiction literature, and even researching the cost of textbooks, as I intended to do some independent study.  This was a very important point in my life, and during this time, I discovered Richard Dawkins.

I was first introduced - as it were - to Dawkins in the form of a lecture to UC Berkely about his newest book, 'The Greatest Show on Earth'.  I was immediately intrigued by the subject matter... I had never outwardly expressed any interest in the field of Evolutionary Biology, but I knew that I had to learn more.  The subject alone was worthy of much deeper inquiry, and I knew that it would be a privilege to learn from such a powerful writer.  There is no doubt that I was also drawn to his considerable disdain for religion, a topic I also harbor reasonable distaste for, but this matters little in this particular book.  It was a masterpiece, cover to cover, and I emerged from its pages with new-found knowledge of and respect for science.

It is very unfortunate, though, that I haven't finished any of his other novels.  Since I completed his aforementioned work, I have begun to read several others, including 'The God Delusion', 'Climbing Mount Improbable', and 'The Magic of Reality', but I have not yet finished any of them.  This is largely my own fault, but it is an issue compounded by the large workload I now have in my senior year.  It is my goal, however, to restart each of these and read them in their entirety over the course of the year.  Each one will provide a phenomenally enjoyable experience, and I only hope that I am given enough time to appropriately meditate on their contents.

I have several more of Dawkins' books on the way, so I should probably start reading!