I had been told since sophomore year that junior year would be the most difficult year to manage, at least in terms of workload. I don't know how this was decided, but I only wish it was true for me. Starting this year has been rougher than any before, and not just in one area.
Compared to my junior year, I now have easily twice the work and thrice the stress. Junior year, I had one AP class and a math class that I had already passed. This year, I have three AP classes and Honors Spanish to balance. This alone is quite a handful, but this would be easily manageable if I didn't have to work on Government online as well, which is vastly different from online classes that I have taken in the past. Apart from actual school work, I must also work through my Capstone project, study for the SAT Subject Tests, and finalize my paperwork and essay to become a National Merit Finalist. As a result of this, I am wildly behind on my online class and scrambling to keep up with the rest.
This is certainly not aided by recent events in my personal life. Since my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer in my seventh year, we have been forced to deal with death constantly. Grandpa didn't last more than three months. My grandma was found to have cancer as well, and my great grandma also passed away that year. In my sophomore year, my other grandma was diagnosed, and wasn't expected to last more than a half year or so. She made it this far, but given that her cancer has returned worse and several other members of my family have passed away since then, no one expects her to last long. Certainly not until my graduation.
It's inherently unprofessional to reveal aspects of my personal life to others, but I am unable to manage all of my work without some help. I suppose it's fair to assume that I am capable, considering what I have achieved, but I don't think anyone would assume that I'd never need any assistance. Everyone has their own issues.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Shakespeare: That time of year
"That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all the rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long."
-William Shakespeare
This sonnet - Shakespeare's 73rd of 154, by some count - is structured very differently from the sonnets of his that we have seen thus far. Like his other sonnets, it includes the ababcdcdefefgg rhyme scheme, but it lacks a turn or answer at line 9, which many of his other sonnets include. Rather than present a question in the first 8 lines which is then answered in the following 4 or 6, 'That time of year' expresses a predicament in the first 12 lines and uses the couplet to explain why the situation is significant.
The first quatrain introduces the speaker, who we can see is a dying man or woman speaking to their loved one, who we can assume is the speakers' spouse. For ease of explanation, lack of evidence to the contrary, and the fact that Shakespeare is male, I'm going to assume that the speaker is male and he is speaking to his wife. He begins by telling his wife that she has witnessed him wither away over some time, and compares it to the closing of a year, when the leaves fall from the trees. This is a very effective way to present the situation, as it gives a direct comparison in time with the ending of a year, and it gives imagery of a bare tree to compare to the speaker.
The following quatrain also gives a comparison involving time, though this time to the end of a day. It includes imagery in the fading of the sun into blackness. It's also worth mentioning that this quatrain specifically mentions Death. This section of the poem might be paraphrased as, "You see the light fade out of me and death takes my life.
The final quatrain compares the speaker to a dying fire, and is arguably the most dense. It states that the fire burns on the ashes of its youth and analogizes the speaker's deathbed to those ashes. I am conflicted about what the following line (Consumed with that which it was nourished by) means. I might assume that this alludes to the speaker's increased dependence on forms of nourishment - both real and more abstract - to stay alive. Those forms of nourishment are consuming the speaker.
The couplet closes the poem by stating that the decreased time that the subject might love the speaker makes her love more intense. This is a very common theme; everything is made more valuable when it is finite. Love is no exception, and Shakespeare states this eloquently.
I am extremely fond of this sonnet. It breaks from usual sonnet structure, as it presents a problem that doesn't necessarily have a solution. This is reflected in large degree in the theme. The death of a loved one is a very serious problem, and it certainly doesn't have a 'solution' in the regular sense of the word. Shakespeare uses this odd structure to his advantage and has produced something very unique as a result, even among all of his fantastic works.
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all the rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long."
-William Shakespeare
This sonnet - Shakespeare's 73rd of 154, by some count - is structured very differently from the sonnets of his that we have seen thus far. Like his other sonnets, it includes the ababcdcdefefgg rhyme scheme, but it lacks a turn or answer at line 9, which many of his other sonnets include. Rather than present a question in the first 8 lines which is then answered in the following 4 or 6, 'That time of year' expresses a predicament in the first 12 lines and uses the couplet to explain why the situation is significant.
The first quatrain introduces the speaker, who we can see is a dying man or woman speaking to their loved one, who we can assume is the speakers' spouse. For ease of explanation, lack of evidence to the contrary, and the fact that Shakespeare is male, I'm going to assume that the speaker is male and he is speaking to his wife. He begins by telling his wife that she has witnessed him wither away over some time, and compares it to the closing of a year, when the leaves fall from the trees. This is a very effective way to present the situation, as it gives a direct comparison in time with the ending of a year, and it gives imagery of a bare tree to compare to the speaker.
The following quatrain also gives a comparison involving time, though this time to the end of a day. It includes imagery in the fading of the sun into blackness. It's also worth mentioning that this quatrain specifically mentions Death. This section of the poem might be paraphrased as, "You see the light fade out of me and death takes my life.
The final quatrain compares the speaker to a dying fire, and is arguably the most dense. It states that the fire burns on the ashes of its youth and analogizes the speaker's deathbed to those ashes. I am conflicted about what the following line (Consumed with that which it was nourished by) means. I might assume that this alludes to the speaker's increased dependence on forms of nourishment - both real and more abstract - to stay alive. Those forms of nourishment are consuming the speaker.
The couplet closes the poem by stating that the decreased time that the subject might love the speaker makes her love more intense. This is a very common theme; everything is made more valuable when it is finite. Love is no exception, and Shakespeare states this eloquently.
I am extremely fond of this sonnet. It breaks from usual sonnet structure, as it presents a problem that doesn't necessarily have a solution. This is reflected in large degree in the theme. The death of a loved one is a very serious problem, and it certainly doesn't have a 'solution' in the regular sense of the word. Shakespeare uses this odd structure to his advantage and has produced something very unique as a result, even among all of his fantastic works.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Draft: Scholarship Essay
Draft 1
When I was in elementary school, I was not a leader. I was not an exemplary student, and I certainly wasn’t a Merit Scholar. I was just another bright young child who resented his intelligence because it meant he’d have to do more work. My parents and teachers lamented having such an intelligent student that hated school and work so much; in the third grade, I joined the Gifted and Talented Program and left almost immediately because it was simply additional (and extremely boring) work. As I progressed in school, I became more resigned to do work simply because it needed to be done. My only goal was an ‘A’; I paid no attention to anything else because it hadn’t occurred to me. That student didn’t understand what it meant to have intelligence. He didn’t understand how lucky he was. That student would not become who I am today.
Suddenly, in 8th grade, something happened to change my entire perspective on academics. 8 Individuals strode into Mendive Middle School in mid-October and gave the students the opportunity to make a choice. They came from the Academy of Arts, Careers, and Technology, and they invited us to apply ourselves and make something of our education. This opportunity meant very little to most of the students in that room, I’m sure, but it ignited something in me that I hadn’t thought I’d ever find. The opportunity brought me hope… hope that I might just use my intelligence. My goal, now, was to succeed, rather than to survive.
After I decided that I was going to AACT, I had a laundry list of required materials necessary to apply. I couldn’t have completed such an application without a goal. I couldn’t have applied, written essays, requested recommendations, or impressed my interviewers if I didn’t care. I was a different person than I had been before. I had been transformed by the knowledge of how far I could take myself, and with some measure of luck, I met my goal.
The next four years would not be spent in the company of those merely striving to survive, but with students who, like myself, were ready to apply themselves harder than they ever had before. We wanted to succeed. AACT provided the perfect environment for me, and it gave me the opportunity to help others to see what I had just discovered. During my junior year, I co-founded the AACT Bridge Project, an outreach program designed with the intent of motivating 6th graders to apply themselves to their education and push themselves as far as they can. I knew that there would always be students who, like me, were capable of so much more than they were ever told that they could achieve. I knew that they needed to be shown what opportunities they had, and what they could accomplish. If I could dig one Merit Scholar out of apathy, if I could help even one student to graduate, I knew I had to try. I have talked with so many students since I started working at AACT, and at least one student has pushed himself to apply and join the school. Even one success is worthwhile among so many.
Now, in the last year of my high school career, I understand what it means to be motivated. I became a National Merit Semi-finalist because I discovered what it meant to want to succeed. I learned the importance of education and the value of knowledge, and I have tried to help others understand. If I can succeed in my endeavors and become a Finalist, I can prove to myself and all those whom I want to help that it is possible to succeed. My success would be a testament to determination.
When I was in elementary school, I was not a leader. I was not an exemplary student, and I certainly wasn’t a Merit Scholar. I was just another bright young child who resented his intelligence because it meant he’d have to do more work. My parents and teachers lamented having such an intelligent student that hated school and work so much; in the third grade, I joined the Gifted and Talented Program and left almost immediately because it was simply additional (and extremely boring) work. As I progressed in school, I became more resigned to do work simply because it needed to be done. My only goal was an ‘A’; I paid no attention to anything else because it hadn’t occurred to me. That student didn’t understand what it meant to have intelligence. He didn’t understand how lucky he was. That student would not become who I am today.
Suddenly, in 8th grade, something happened to change my entire perspective on academics. 8 Individuals strode into Mendive Middle School in mid-October and gave the students the opportunity to make a choice. They came from the Academy of Arts, Careers, and Technology, and they invited us to apply ourselves and make something of our education. This opportunity meant very little to most of the students in that room, I’m sure, but it ignited something in me that I hadn’t thought I’d ever find. The opportunity brought me hope… hope that I might just use my intelligence. My goal, now, was to succeed, rather than to survive.
After I decided that I was going to AACT, I had a laundry list of required materials necessary to apply. I couldn’t have completed such an application without a goal. I couldn’t have applied, written essays, requested recommendations, or impressed my interviewers if I didn’t care. I was a different person than I had been before. I had been transformed by the knowledge of how far I could take myself, and with some measure of luck, I met my goal.
The next four years would not be spent in the company of those merely striving to survive, but with students who, like myself, were ready to apply themselves harder than they ever had before. We wanted to succeed. AACT provided the perfect environment for me, and it gave me the opportunity to help others to see what I had just discovered. During my junior year, I co-founded the AACT Bridge Project, an outreach program designed with the intent of motivating 6th graders to apply themselves to their education and push themselves as far as they can. I knew that there would always be students who, like me, were capable of so much more than they were ever told that they could achieve. I knew that they needed to be shown what opportunities they had, and what they could accomplish. If I could dig one Merit Scholar out of apathy, if I could help even one student to graduate, I knew I had to try. I have talked with so many students since I started working at AACT, and at least one student has pushed himself to apply and join the school. Even one success is worthwhile among so many.
Now, in the last year of my high school career, I understand what it means to be motivated. I became a National Merit Semi-finalist because I discovered what it meant to want to succeed. I learned the importance of education and the value of knowledge, and I have tried to help others understand. If I can succeed in my endeavors and become a Finalist, I can prove to myself and all those whom I want to help that it is possible to succeed. My success would be a testament to determination.
Friday, September 13, 2013
The Abstract
As we progress further and further into the poetry unit, I can't help but become somewhat annoyed by this textbook and the bizarre questions it contrives. The poems that we have been reading this far have been quite enjoyable in all aspects save the questions they seemingly answer. None of the poems have been overly simple, either; quality was not sacrificed for accessibility.
Before I return to the book, though, I must take a brief digression. I notice that the more thoroughly I am able to judge a judge a poem depends on how much of it I am able to analyze. I love to analyze poetry, but I am also a bit sad about how little some poems have going on in them. Take, for example, my favorite poem, an untitled piece by Mark Z. Danielewski:
"Little solace comes
To those who grieve
When thoughts keep drifting
As was keep shifting
And this great blue worlds of ours
Seems a house of leaves
Moments before the wind. "
It may be difficult for someone to argue that this poem is especially deep (other than I'm meaning), and one wouldn't be out of line in arguing that the poem is too simple. It IS simple, and it's meaning is obvious. I wish it had more layering and more to analyze, but it's still my favorite poem, and it's far more preferable to the opposite end of the spectrum.
So why does the textbook bother me? Because of the way that it treats poems at the other end. Poems that are full of fluff and have very little going on. Poems like 'You Are in Bear Country', where any meaning associated with the poem is based on totally abstract, invalid evidence from the text. The textbook treats this pointless abstraction like masterpiece, and it feels so pretentious in doing so. The textbook asks questions so contrived that I cannot imagine how they were imagined. It makes the experience of poetic analysis much more of a chore than it should be.
Before I return to the book, though, I must take a brief digression. I notice that the more thoroughly I am able to judge a judge a poem depends on how much of it I am able to analyze. I love to analyze poetry, but I am also a bit sad about how little some poems have going on in them. Take, for example, my favorite poem, an untitled piece by Mark Z. Danielewski:
"Little solace comes
To those who grieve
When thoughts keep drifting
As was keep shifting
And this great blue worlds of ours
Seems a house of leaves
Moments before the wind. "
It may be difficult for someone to argue that this poem is especially deep (other than I'm meaning), and one wouldn't be out of line in arguing that the poem is too simple. It IS simple, and it's meaning is obvious. I wish it had more layering and more to analyze, but it's still my favorite poem, and it's far more preferable to the opposite end of the spectrum.
So why does the textbook bother me? Because of the way that it treats poems at the other end. Poems that are full of fluff and have very little going on. Poems like 'You Are in Bear Country', where any meaning associated with the poem is based on totally abstract, invalid evidence from the text. The textbook treats this pointless abstraction like masterpiece, and it feels so pretentious in doing so. The textbook asks questions so contrived that I cannot imagine how they were imagined. It makes the experience of poetic analysis much more of a chore than it should be.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Old Friends
I trudge up my stairs, and as they bend,
They force me to glance across the photos
Dangling on the walls like so many old friends
Whom I no longer recognize. Their smiles
Remind me of better times that I never knew.
And if you asked me,
I couldn't tell you when their smiles died,
But it must have been when the cameras
Weren't watching.
They force me to glance across the photos
Dangling on the walls like so many old friends
Whom I no longer recognize. Their smiles
Remind me of better times that I never knew.
And if you asked me,
I couldn't tell you when their smiles died,
But it must have been when the cameras
Weren't watching.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
The Value of Poetry
"I wish our clever young poets would remember my homely definitions of prose and poetry: that is, prose = words in their best order; poetry = the best words in the best order."
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge
For one of our first writing assignments of the year, we were required to list some of our strengths in writing. Luckily for me, we also had to list some of our weaknesses. I've always been extremely critical of my own work. Whether it's been a passionate effort, taking weeks to complete, or an essay that I completed in record time and probably shouldn't even have bothered attempting. I stated that my greatest weakness was my grasp of vocabulary when it comes to writing. I've always had a fairly advanced vocabulary, but I'm constantly frustrated by my inability to draw upon it in my writing. I too often fall back on 'however's' and 'although's' when my mind fails to locate a far more preferable term. My largest goal for the year was to begin to fix this issue... venturing into new territory of diction could vastly improve my written work.
I never could have guessed how much the study of poetry could assist me in this. Coleridge had a very important point, and I agreed with him before I even knew what he thought on the subject. Poetry is defined by its profound depth, and this depth is forged with words. In prose, substitution of a single word would have little effect, save on the flow of the sentence in which it is placed. In poetry, however, each and every word is crucial to the poem as a whole. This is true even when there is no meter or rhyme to worry about. Each word is a cement holding the poem together.
Take into consideration, for example, 'Suicide Note', by Langston Hughes:
The calm,
Cool face of the river
Asked me for a kiss.
In such a short poem, it is plainly obvious how important each word is to the meaning of the whole. Replace 'Cool' with 'Cold', and the poem has become much more forwardly depressing than it should be. 'Cold' has just the same number of letters as 'Cool', and it only differs from the latter in one letter, subtracting an 'o' for a 'd'. Even with this small change, the letter has changed the meaning of the entire poem.
Poetry is a living, breathing thing, and every poem is constructed based on the same rules of language. A poem can be broken down to individual letters, and like the individual genes and nucleotide pairs of a human, a single letters difference can mean life or death. No level of complexity is too small to matter.
Our in-depth analysis of poetry is based on more than just word choice, but looking at this area has already had a marked effect on my ability to analyze my own writing. My poetry hasn't suffered from it either, but I hesitate to concentrate too heavily on that area of writing at this point. There will be times for that in the future, but I have miles to go before I sleep.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Dawkins and Darwin
During the summer of 2011, I began to develop a passionate interest in science. My love for the subject was wholly consuming, for a time. I spent the majority of the summer watching lectures on Physics and Biology on Youtube, purchasing non-fiction literature, and even researching the cost of textbooks, as I intended to do some independent study. This was a very important point in my life, and during this time, I discovered Richard Dawkins.
I was first introduced - as it were - to Dawkins in the form of a lecture to UC Berkely about his newest book, 'The Greatest Show on Earth'. I was immediately intrigued by the subject matter... I had never outwardly expressed any interest in the field of Evolutionary Biology, but I knew that I had to learn more. The subject alone was worthy of much deeper inquiry, and I knew that it would be a privilege to learn from such a powerful writer. There is no doubt that I was also drawn to his considerable disdain for religion, a topic I also harbor reasonable distaste for, but this matters little in this particular book. It was a masterpiece, cover to cover, and I emerged from its pages with new-found knowledge of and respect for science.
It is very unfortunate, though, that I haven't finished any of his other novels. Since I completed his aforementioned work, I have begun to read several others, including 'The God Delusion', 'Climbing Mount Improbable', and 'The Magic of Reality', but I have not yet finished any of them. This is largely my own fault, but it is an issue compounded by the large workload I now have in my senior year. It is my goal, however, to restart each of these and read them in their entirety over the course of the year. Each one will provide a phenomenally enjoyable experience, and I only hope that I am given enough time to appropriately meditate on their contents.
I have several more of Dawkins' books on the way, so I should probably start reading!
I was first introduced - as it were - to Dawkins in the form of a lecture to UC Berkely about his newest book, 'The Greatest Show on Earth'. I was immediately intrigued by the subject matter... I had never outwardly expressed any interest in the field of Evolutionary Biology, but I knew that I had to learn more. The subject alone was worthy of much deeper inquiry, and I knew that it would be a privilege to learn from such a powerful writer. There is no doubt that I was also drawn to his considerable disdain for religion, a topic I also harbor reasonable distaste for, but this matters little in this particular book. It was a masterpiece, cover to cover, and I emerged from its pages with new-found knowledge of and respect for science.
It is very unfortunate, though, that I haven't finished any of his other novels. Since I completed his aforementioned work, I have begun to read several others, including 'The God Delusion', 'Climbing Mount Improbable', and 'The Magic of Reality', but I have not yet finished any of them. This is largely my own fault, but it is an issue compounded by the large workload I now have in my senior year. It is my goal, however, to restart each of these and read them in their entirety over the course of the year. Each one will provide a phenomenally enjoyable experience, and I only hope that I am given enough time to appropriately meditate on their contents.
I have several more of Dawkins' books on the way, so I should probably start reading!
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